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Is it weird that I kind of think she’s kind of cool?

This was a bad question, and you should feel bad

I work for like 3 chosen hours per day. I often take naps

Good. Good.

You’re drunk, or the linux nerds. Like, I have to know this now. Fucking nerds. You know, Ogre from revenge of the nerds just died, so in his honor, NERDS!!

And way more dull

I used to think Young MC was the son of MC Hammer. Holy hell I aged myself there

I’d tell my cats I’m not chasing them to hit them (I’ve never raised my voice or hit a cat), I’m just walking that direction. You don’t have to run like a bat out of hell. And no, no voice works like it does on dogs.

Are you still in elementary school? If not, you can’t possibly still believe this

My wife had a huge cancer scare. It turned out not to be, but while that word was laying on the table, I could no longer hear snare drums. Vibrant colors turned to gray. I was tone deaf with music. You’re right, I don’t know how sad you feel, but I have an idea of what I would experience. Nothing and no one can prepare you for just how awful the whole thing is.

Jokes on you, my cock was small before I even had sex

TIL: Taking mushrooms and experiencing ego death makes you a superior intellectual. Well I have those qualities, and I assure you, I’m not an intellectual

Yea, I didn’t take it seriously, but my wife… really bad at left vs right

Variety is the spice of life, a bread for every occasion.

It started when Amazon bought them

Like life has lost all it’s color? Everything is now in grayscale?

Books over sex? Nah fam, you can keep that deal

I’m a teams app for dumb phones away from getting off smart phones. I’m fiddy and have to use my readers to even see my phone, so I’ve slowly stopped using it for much outside of random apps for appliances. I can get an ipad for that, though. I’m also a privacy advocate, but I’ve made peace with the fact that ship has pretty much sailed

I hate that I’m saying this, but this would be handy for my wife. Except like, correct, ya know?