Oldsmobile 98. 3 tons of mailbox plowing steel bumpers, orange barrel throwing, luxuriously spaced seating, so much chrome it upsets local birds, and steel steel steel. Bumps in the road? Lol. Was that a twig or a curb we just rolled over? Cant tell. Can fit an extra three persons in the trunk comfortably with the subs and amps, if necessary, or a honda 185 three wheeler, and is unstoppable with a set of chains on the back in the snow. Longer than the Short Bus, a back seat that made most king size mattresses blush, with the gas mileage to match. Oh how I miss you Hooptie. RIP.

This is, at best, half baked, and it’s left me raw.