I had a bunch of baggage that made screening for kink both necessary and difficult for me while dating. Shortly before I met my husband, I thought about what makes someone a good dm or a good dom for me, and the Venn diagram was basically a circle. Then I thought about all the dms I know and what I know about their sexual tastes, and I started using dm as a green flag to investigate further.

Of course, my husband just put a quick, dry note in his profile, double checked near the end of the first date that I knew what it meant and was interested, and then we didn’t address it again until we had been on several dates and were more invested.

That’s better than my janky avoidant system, but my system works better than anything I’ve tried other than direct communication. But if you aren’t in a place where you can communicate directly with potential partners, you probably shouldn’t be trying to start anything(1). If you’re going to anyway, look for a partner who’s the right level of assertive for you, but it will come up as something problematic if you’re trying to enter a longer term relationship.

(1) In my case, it’s just that I had difficulty speaking plainly about my wants and needs before having sex with someone. I never had too much of an issue afterwards, but I also catch feelings after having sex with someone, so I need to get it out of the way first, because closed ltrs with incompatible partners suck.

I’m impressed by the annoying kid in my middle school successfully tricking people into thinking he’s academically qualified thoughtful and intelligent (he probably is academically qualified, but that’s not the point)

Holy shit:

I find it hard to understand someone who does not comprehend that pain is natural, necessary, and good. When we inflict pain on others, our faculties of sympathy provoke a conflict within us, and such conflict is also good, because it makes us think and question what we’re doing, whether it’s necessary, and whether there’s also an element of the beautiful in it. Evolving to eat animals and also to feel sympathy, our biology saddles us with a choice. Either we form an intimate relationship with that which we eat, understand it as a privilege to accompany the other creature in its last moments, and look forward to the day when we will also be killed and eaten; or we avoid this difficult process by forming an ideology so we know that what we are doing, a priori, is right, and therefore not a cause for conflict, sympathy, or doubt.

Anyone who doesn’t want to both die by being eaten alive and earn that kind of death by causing it over and over for other animals is dumb and morally cowardly.

I never took it in school, and I don’t have much contact with it now either. I’m picking up some Arabic now though.

I took Spanish from age 12-22 and German from 18-23 and 29-31.

I speak both those languages, though my Spanish is rusty, because I moved to Germany and don’t have much contact with Spanish speakers.

What I’ve really noticed more recently is that at times the tantrum is mostly performative. Like they’re not deeply and gravely upset, they’re just acting it out.

Literally yes. They’re testing the boundaries of what they can do and seeing what the results of different types of behavior are.

You could always sabotage it

Corn is the fanciest grass

I know several, but they were mostly born in Germany or immigrated young.

I bet NATO would have defended Greece against Turkey, but that’s different. Somehow.

Hey! You’re learning!!

And in this case? I ask because it’s all equally comical.

Are you still trying to be funny?

Okay, I’ve made my mind up and the rule is: don’t misgender people

I know you’re not supposed to diagnose historical figures, but Kant is like the textbook definition of autistic. He made the rule that he would smoke one pipeful of tobacco a day, and lamented for years that he couldn’t find a bigger pipe. His moral philosophy also demonstrates the kind of rigid thinking that is characteristic of autism.

I just also searched for that meme and gave up, but lo!

That’s not exactly how I would have imagined a kibblesmith smiths kibble, but as long as the pets get the cubes afterwards, I’m happy

“Grate” joke? Or did I get double whooshed?

Maybe she doesn’t know if she’s joking or not either. Only one way to find out!

Because you’re upside down