Libertarian Lemmy
  • Communities
  • Create Post
  • heart
    Support Lemmy
  • search
    Search
  • Login
  • Sign Up
Stamets@lemmy.dbzer0.com to Funny@sh.itjust.works · 1 day ago

Alternatively... bidet

lemmy.dbzer0.com

message-square
61
link
fedilink
335

Alternatively... bidet

lemmy.dbzer0.com

Stamets@lemmy.dbzer0.com to Funny@sh.itjust.works · 1 day ago
message-square
61
link
fedilink
alert-triangle
You must log in or register to comment.
  • thax@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    edit-2
    22 minutes ago

    To any Americans who are bidet curious or even enthusiasts, I’d highly recommend this wand style bidet: https://rinseworks.com/shop/aquaus-360-hand-held-bidet-sprayer-for-toilet/

    Personally, I find fancy features, like heat, to be superfluous. Seats or seat-mounted bidets are inevitably a pain in the ass to clean. This wand has a nice long hose. Not only can it clean your ass, but it can also help you to clean your bathroom. It should last a lifetime. And, of course, installation is a breeze not requiring electricity. If you are afraid of the cold, rest assured you will adapt. It will zap you awake.

  • FridaySteve@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    2 hours ago

    Careful with the bidet conversation. I saw someone on plebbit explain how they don’t have to wash their hands after they take a shit because they have a bidet that washes and dries their asshole.

  • beejboytyson@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    1
    arrow-down
    5
    ·
    2 hours ago

    Wet wipes. Does everything a bidet does w/o getting a squirt in your asshole.

    • FridaySteve@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      10
      ·
      2 hours ago

      And then you have that nasty little foot pedal trashcan next to your toilet because you don’t flush the wipes, right?

      …you don’t flush the wipes…do you?

    • zalgotext@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      1 hour ago

      So it takes all the fun away from using a bidet

  • Tattorack@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    4
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    5 hours ago

    A bottle of water. Wash yourself back there. Yes, like properly with your hand, like what you do in the shower. A lot more hygienic.

    No, it’s not “disgusting” doing that. You go back there with toilet paper anyway. You think shit moisture doesn’t get on your hand when using toilet paper?

    • LwL@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      40 minutes ago

      I tend to just hop in the shower for a sec.

      But all of that is only really an option at home, anywhere else it’s eternal wiping.

    • ExtremeUnicorn@feddit.org
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      4 hours ago

      “Shit moisture”, you ppl. are going insane…

      • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        4 hours ago

        • tetris11@feddit.uk
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          edit-2
          3 minutes ago

          is that Pangaea?

    • SirHery@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      5 hours ago

      Or get a Bidet. Like a build in one.

  • shalafi@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    32
    ·
    18 hours ago

    Horror story:

    Shaved mine in prep for my first colonoscopy. I know, they see some nasty shit, don’t know why I cared. Took TWO bottles of the lemon flavored ass blaster juice.

    Ended up holding my ass cheeks apart and screaming at my ex-wife, “Get the neighbor! GET THE NEIGHBOR!” Said neighbor was a nurse but I was in such agony I couldn’t think of her name.

    Halfway down my ass cheeks, and all the way down from there, my flesh looked sandpapered, sunburned. Pain doesn’t make me cry, but my eyes were plenty blurry that night.

    And I still had to shit more lemon juice. Try not to think on this story.

    • beejboytyson@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      2 hours ago

      Buddy anything other then soap around you squishy bits is asking for trouble.

    • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      4 hours ago

      What the fuck is “lemon flavored ass blaster juice”??

      • IngeniousRocks (They/She) @lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        1 hour ago

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodium_citrate

        In solution with water it tastes somewhere between the worlds worst flattest sprite and a sweet lemon.

        • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          18 minutes ago

          Why would you drink two bottles of that before a colonoscopy?!

          • ChexMax@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            2 minutes ago

            Can’t tell if you’re joking, but you have to. The doctor prescribes it, and it cleans everything out of your system. By the end, you’re just crapping out the lemon drink itself and you’re squeaky clean for the camera

    • daggermoon@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      5 hours ago

      What was the neighbor’s reaction?

    • Zozano@aussie.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      4 hours ago

      I thought you wanted your neighbour to watch for a moment there

      • Honytawk@feddit.nl
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        edit-2
        2 hours ago

        “Oh? That wasn’t what you called me for?”

        puts away wine bottle

    • ikidd@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      10 hours ago

      My life is better knowing i will.never do this to myself.

    • flambonkscious@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      13 hours ago

      Thanks - you’ve made the rest of us look better, just by sharing your story

  • (des)mosthenes@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    17
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    17 hours ago

    bidets or water solve this too

    • Cevilia (she/they/…)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      8 hours ago

      You can get a toilet bidet attachment that turns your toilet into a washlet. Get a good one with front and back settings, and you don’t have to wipe the front either.

    • Jankatarch@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      8 hours ago

      As often is the case, it’s best to do a little of both.

  • Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    55
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    24 hours ago

    All fun and games until you try and let a sneaky one rip in public

  • Shortstack@reddthat.com
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    81
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    edit-2
    1 day ago

    I did this once

    The feeling of sweaty aka slippery butt cheeks in summer while walking to class and worst of all climbing stairs was too much. And let’s not forget that farts have a to physically separate your cheeks to escape. Too much weird feeling.

    Never again

    Now I let my butthole grow some hair but keep it trimmed low because I’m not a heathen

    • village604@adultswim.fan
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      10 hours ago

      Just use some gold bond or other body powder. Problem solved. Thongs also solve the problem and are really quite comfortable once you’re used to them.

    • DeletesItLater@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      13
      ·
      1 day ago

      I’m pretty sure this is where the term “butt trumpet” came from.

  • UnrefinedChihuahua@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    94
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    1 day ago

    Just get a damn bidet. Life changing.

    • Manjushri@piefed.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      22
      ·
      1 day ago

      Yep. Take just it from Matt Damon and Alan Tudyk

      • commie@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        36
        ·
        1 day ago

        Take just it

        I don’t know where they keep theirs. I’ll probably need to just get my own.

        • winkerjadams@lemmy.dbzer0.com
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          8
          ·
          1 day ago

          Check their toilets

    • BananaIsABerry@lemmy.zip
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      24 hours ago

      Not all poops occur at home.

      • UnrefinedChihuahua@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        6
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        edit-2
        14 hours ago

        Travel bidet. I know of two co-workers who bring one to work daily. Think squeeze bottle with a long straw.

        Edit: personally I’m not a fan, to be clear, but it’s possible.

  • Bring_Back_Buggy_Whips@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    43
    ·
    1 day ago

    I tried shaving my asshole but he ran away and never came back.

  • hOrni@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    51
    ·
    1 day ago

    Wait 2 days, till it starts growing back.

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    59
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    1 day ago

    This is why three seashells are superior to TP.

    • EbenezerScrew@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      14
      ·
      1 day ago

      Stop trying to push your BS Dr. Cocteau.

      • PattyMcB@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        11
        ·
        22 hours ago

        HAH! He doesn’t know what the seashells are for!

  • Marty_TF@lemmy.zip
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    35
    ·
    1 day ago

    fr tho, from personal experience shaving ur arsehole is a fucking blessing

    • oneser@lemmy.zip
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      45
      ·
      1 day ago

      I could not imagine the regrowth itch from that being part of the blessed experience?

      • Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        28
        ·
        1 day ago

        There simply is none if you do it regularly, at least for me.

      • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        10
        ·
        23 hours ago

        As someone with a lot of experience shaving body hair, if you do it regularly it’s fine. If you do it every once in a while, that’s where it gets itchy. Tbh armpits get the itchiest regrowth, for me anyway.

      • AstralPath@lemmy.ca
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        16
        ·
        1 day ago

        A truly brutal experience I’ll never revisit.

      • Marty_TF@lemmy.zip
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        23 hours ago

        that is 100% true.

        but since i found that i actually enjoy all my body hair being off, i just shave everything 1-2 times a week.

        except my beard. gotta have something to remain dwarven.

        • village604@adultswim.fan
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          10 hours ago

          Ugh, that’s so much work, though. I found that the OG Ball-ber (trimmer for your balls) had guide combs that were perfect for my body hair and trimming my whole body only took 10 minutes.

          When I broke it I upgraded to the Pro, and unfortunately the guide comb sucks (it’s a shitty dial one that’s facing the wrong way).

  • burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    25
    ·
    1 day ago

    Shaving can be… bad: https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html

    • Maestro@fedia.io
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      23 hours ago

      Came looking for exactly that epic story 😄

  • Mose13@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    21
    ·
    1 day ago

    Bidet is the way

Funny@sh.itjust.works

funny@sh.itjust.works

Subscribe from Remote Instance

Create a post
You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: !funny@sh.itjust.works

General rules:

  • Be kind.
  • All posts must make an attempt to be funny.
  • Obey the general sh.itjust.works instance rules.
  • No politics or political figures. There are plenty of other politics communities to choose from.
  • Don’t post anything grotesque or potentially illegal. Examples include pornography, gore, animal cruelty, inappropriate jokes involving kids, etc.

Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.

Visibility: Public
globe

This community can be federated to other instances and be posted/commented in by their users.

  • 1.68K users / day
  • 5.82K users / week
  • 8.76K users / month
  • 17.4K users / 6 months
  • 3 local subscribers
  • 12K subscribers
  • 1.37K Posts
  • 17.7K Comments
  • Modlog
  • mods:
  • TheDude@sh.itjust.works
  • kersploosh@sh.itjust.works
  • VicksVaporBBQrub@sh.itjust.works
  • example@reddthat.com
  • UI: unknown version
  • BE: 0.19.11
  • Modlog
  • Instances
  • Docs
  • Code
  • join-lemmy.org